Best-selling author and communication scholar Deborah Tannen popularised the term “genderlect” when she used it to describe the two sex-based communication styles* She emphasized that gender communication should be treated like cross-cultural communication and therefore not as inferior or superior, but different.
She went on to describe the broad, generalised differences. Remember, though, sex is male and female, but gender—femininity and masculinity—is a continuum.
She went on to describe the broad, generalised differences. Remember, though, sex is male and female, but gender—femininity and masculinity—is a continuum.
Rapport/Report
Men and women use communication differently. Women use communication as a way to build rapport, while men use it as a way to report information, grab attention, and show power.
This means that when women form and interpret messages, they are doing so through a lens of supportiveness. Men are more likely to do the same thing through a lens of dominance. This is especially so in the case of interrupting: Women interrupt to show support, to indicate what Tannen calls a “co-operative overlap.” Men view interrupting as a play for power
This means that when women form and interpret messages, they are doing so through a lens of supportiveness. Men are more likely to do the same thing through a lens of dominance. This is especially so in the case of interrupting: Women interrupt to show support, to indicate what Tannen calls a “co-operative overlap.” Men view interrupting as a play for power
Women also use questions to build understanding, to reassure the person they are talking with, and to strengthen bonds. Women want to include others and be part of a community; this is how the use of “tag statements” is explained.
When stating an opinion or giving an order, women will often tag their sentence with, “Would you mind…” or, “I’m not sure if we’ve done this before, but…” or, “Don’t you think?”
These short statements are meant to placate, include, even comfort. But to men, these are like qualifiers that make the woman using them seem unsure or uncertain. Men avoid questions because it implies weakness or exposes ignorance (consider how this relates to the please-stop-and-ask-for-direction cliché).
When stating an opinion or giving an order, women will often tag their sentence with, “Would you mind…” or, “I’m not sure if we’ve done this before, but…” or, “Don’t you think?”
These short statements are meant to placate, include, even comfort. But to men, these are like qualifiers that make the woman using them seem unsure or uncertain. Men avoid questions because it implies weakness or exposes ignorance (consider how this relates to the please-stop-and-ask-for-direction cliché).
Read the whole article on the GenderGurus website
* *You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation by Deborah Tannen
"Men avoid questions because it implies weakness or exposes ignorance"
ReplyDeleteNo, men avoid questions because we avoid ambiguity. Generally, when men say X, they mean X. When women say X, they mean T,X,Z, and a nonverbal G and K.