When we talk about the gender communication differences we get two distinct reactions; the first is ‘My goodness that’s so-and-so to a tee!” or this, from one excited man who came running up to us afterwards crying “I saw myself – that was me!!” and then he said more soberly – “No wonder my wife says I ignore her”
The unique way that we demonstrate the communication equation shows people how it looks and many people either recognise themselves or the people they work with.
And then there are the others – the ones who look on with dismay and say “That never happens at my workplace!” or even “That is just sooo wrong; I don’t do that!”
The only problem with that is that they then extrapolate “I doesn’t happen to me” which [if true] is great, into “It doesn’t happen to anyone!” which is a little different.
This response is far more common from women than men; and the objection is not to their communication being described as masculine but as feminine.
“I always get to the point first!” said one indignant power station worker; “You’ll never find me setting the scene first!” (Setting the scene is a trait of feminine communication style)
“I don’t know what you are talking about, all this caring, nurturing stuff – it’s straight out of women’s magazines!!” said a female fire fighter.
After one or two of these responses I began to see the link – the one thing they all had in common - they worked in an area that was still predominantly the male group. In many cases there were only one or two women in their workplace.
This creates a great challenge for any female moving into that different group but over time the culture of the company will prevail and knowingly or not you will absorb the style of leadership and communication which supports that.
In the army one of my nicknames was Eve – the first woman; so often was I posted into a unit, position or rank as the first female. Gradually I absorbed the group culture – and my communication mimicked the normal within in – the masculine report style.
Phil, in his banking days worked with a predominantly female team; over time he too absorbed the style of communication that was common to that group; the feminine rapport style, and began to mimic that. Consequently, Phil is able to switch between the styles with ease to ensure clear communication with either group.
Researchers have overwhelming shown that when we communicate within groups – we adopt the style common to that group. The women, who complained that they did not use the feminine communication style, were subsequently heard using it beautifully over lunch talking to the other women on the course.
Within our own gender groups, men when talking to men will use the masculine report style with all that implies; and women will use the feminine rapport styles instinctively when conversing with other women.
The difference is in the workplace. And while women are becoming more represented there, in many instances and many occupations it is still the men’s group and the dominate communication style will be masculine.
The new member of these teams will be exposed to the way the group communicates and will adopt that as being the norm – normal that is for this group.
More recently, men are beginning to move into traditional female roles, nursing, and service industries for example. Here the group norm is a more feminine rapport style, and gradually more men, like Phil did, are adopting the communication style dominant in that group.
There is one other influence on the styles of communication which is adopted with the workplace – and that is the dominant style of leadership within the company or organisation. Those that enter the police force; the fire department or the military will by the very nature of the job, be walking into an authoritarian leadership environment. This leadership style adopts the masculine report driven type of communication to enforce command and control.
Service based industries are far more inclusive in their leadership styles; there is much more drive towards contribution and consensus which of course requires a feminine style to build relationships.
These leadership styles will influence the style of communication regardless of which group you belong to, and to succeed either group will have to adopt the dominant style.
Which is why female soldiers, fireman and police will automatically drop into the masculine style within their workplace – while reverting to the feminine outside; and male nurses, and counsellors will adopt the feminine within the workplace and revert when outside of it.
So, when we tell you that there are two sorts of communication which have traditional backgrounds and are associated with the historical roles for men and women; and which differ in the way that they use language and interpretation – please do not get into a state if you believe that it doesn’t apply to you!
You are most likely a very effective communicator, able to adapt to the group you work with and adopt the style in common use. That way you are part of the group, identified with the group and accepted by the group – there will be no difficulty for you at all.
It’s what you get used to ...
From the GenderGurus
Related Topics
No comments:
Post a Comment