Thursday, July 14, 2011

Yes! It’s true; men and women do speak differently languages

Sociolinguists have long argued that men and women use language differently; and there are measurable differences between the speech patterns of men and the speech patterns of women.

It is when we study languages other than English that we find specific examples of gender difference in the use of language.

For instance in 1972, the noted scholar Robert Malcolm Dixon, Professor of Linguistics at James Cook University in Cairns, pointed out that there are two differing versions of the Aboriginal Dyirbal language. Each to be used depending on the relationship and the gender of those present.

One is known as the ‘everyday’ or common language and the other is the ‘avoidance’ language. And this is where it gets complicated, so concentrate!

In the presence of a parent-in-law or a child-in-law of the opposite sex then the ‘avoidance’ language will be used.  This also applies when in conversation with a cross-cousin of the opposite sex – which means your father’s sister’s child or your mother’s brother’s child – I did say it got complicated.

But the interesting thing about the language is that while the everyday version and the avoidance version use the same grammar and the same sound system – the words they use are entirely different.  Dixon tells us that there is not one word in common between them. Dixon (1972) pp 32-33

There are other examples of the way that language changes depending on which gender uses it.  In some instances while the word is the same the pronunciation is different.

In the Northeast of the United States in the Gros Ventre language, the word for bread is pronounced as ‘kjatsa’ when used by women and as ‘djatsa’ by men.  These pronunciation differences are quite distinct and if a male was to use the feminine pronunciations he would be ostracised as being effeminate.

But we need not go to such ancient languages for examples, in Japanese we can find some very specific words that are used only by men and others only by women.

For instance the word for water is ‘mizu’ as used by men and ‘ohiya’ when used by women. A delicious piece of food is described as ‘umai’ by men and ‘oisii’ by women; and the verb to eat is ‘kuu’ in a man’s world and ‘taberu’ in a woman’s.

Even when referring to one’s self there are distinct words which can be used by each sex. A woman can use the word ‘atashi’, which is never used by men, they would use the term ‘boku’ – thankfully there is also a word for ‘I’ which both can use. ‘watakushi’

So perhaps we can be thankful that we don’t have those problems in English. But of course we do. For many years there were differing words used to denote male or female activities.  Author – Authoress:  Actor – Actress; And words that described activities that once had no female participation do not have a feminine equivalent;  so it is ‘Soldier’ and there is no ‘soldieress’; it was ‘doctor’ never ‘doctoress’.

When women started to move into these careers we were left with the ugly construction of ‘female soldiers’ and ‘lady doctors’. Modern English is still in the transition from gender specific terms to more gender neutral ones.

The problem for us is not so much in the different words or pronunciation – it is in the various linguistic characterisations that the genders adopt.

Whether these are due to socialising or other reasons are the base of academic studies; that they do exist and are recognisable should be understood by all of us who engage in communication in a modern workplace.

The American sociolinguist Lakoff argues that women’s use of langue differs in features such as ‘qualifiers’ or ‘fillers’.  A woman is more likely to say ‘you know’ or ‘you see’ than a man would.

Females will end a statement with a question ‘that’s a lovely dress, isn't it?’  Males would not.

The use of rising intonation at the end of sentences will turn any statement into a question without it specifically being asked. Women use this feature, while men do not.

All shades of red are just ‘red’ to men, but women can distinguish between magenta, cerise and scarlet.

Women like to set the scene and use far more dramatic and emphatic adjectives – A man might say ‘That’s a great idea’ while a woman may be inclined to say it was ‘brilliant.’ [2]

Lakoff – and others- have argued that this difference in the use of language by women is a sign of their lack of confidence.  But psychologists who have engaged in practical work with both genders have come to the conclusion that the difference is based more on the way we interact within our gender group.

Men are more competitive and action focused; women are more relationship based and knowledge driven.  These differing interactions affect the way we use language within our own groups and can cause misunderstandings when used across genders.


So we have used different languages according to gender throughout history and across social groups.  And it seems to me that the speakers of the Dyirbal language in Northern Australia would have to have been fluent in both languages (the ‘everyday’ one and the ‘avoidance’ one) to be able to switch from one to the other as circumstances dictated.

This is, I think, an excellent guideline for us today; if we are familiar with the different way men and women can use language, and if we become equally fluent in both – we too can switch from one to the other as our circumstances dictate.

What a powerful communication tool that would be.

Sources :

1.   Dixon, R.M.W. 1972, The Dyirbal language of North Queensland (Cambridge Studies in Linguistics, 9).: Cambridge University Press, Cambridge

2.    Lakoff, R. 1975, Language and Women’s Place. Harper & Row, New York

3.    Baker, Barrett & Roberts. 2002, Working Communication, John Wiley & Sons Australia Ltd, Brisbane


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